Modest Proposal (Two posts)

It's a shame that countries in the European Union are troubled with poverty at a massive scale. There are individuals in the streets, the roads, and the alleys of P.I.I.G.S. (Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece, and Space) nations who must beg for alms in a disgraceful, public manner. These people have no alternative than to turn to meander aimlessly to tourist attractions in dreadful attire. They are often times famished and spend time begging rather than looking for a job to sustain their families in addition to themselves. As they grow, these children are destined to lives of misery and poverty. Perhaps a pickpocket or a mugger, no good would come from such a pathetic lifestyle. Any man or woman who could dare to resolve this crisis taking practicality into account would not only be know as a preserver of the region, be an international hero for years to come. Their legacy would outlive their lifespan tenfold.

Even while the European Union is plagued by this issue on the home-front, the Union seeks to add another country. Turkey, a nation permeated by a level of poverty and instability akin to that of a European P.I.I.G.S. nation is currently a candidate for entering the Union. Regardless of poverty levels, Turkish culture clashes with the culture of Europe as a whole for a simple reason: it is outside of Europe geographically. My intentions seek to go beyond that of acting to alleviate poverty, I seek to improve the overall economy, culture, and leadership of the continent of Europe as a whole.

My modest proposal is the quintessential plan which equates to the greatest degree of success for Western society. Since the European Union seeks to add Turkey to its member nations, why not just add the United States and Russia to the Union as well? 

This humble solution would also alleviate poverty in the region as Americans would be able to expand fast food chains even further, spreading the ideal American diet further across the globe while employing local Europeans that would otherwise be struck by poverty. The fact that Europe and Russia are separate entities from Europe is irrelevant as Turkey is as well. In order to persuade the government of Russia to join, Vladimir Putin should become the head of the European Union. He would certainly manage the Union better and create opportunity for increased liberty amongst European citizens. My simple proposition would also allow Russia to resolve all bothersome unrest with Soviet satellite states by granting the nation the right to annex land.

In terms of culture, I humbly suggest that the decision to include the United States in the European Union would improve the overall poverty stricken backwards culture of Europeans. American poverty levels are so low and the society is so accepting, they might as well send the impoverished there! Since American society is so progressive unlike that of the Europeans, they should conform to American norms to modernize. Europeans should adopt plastic surgery into their lifestyles in order to shift away from their archaic standards of beauty. Their primitive society should normalize the female removal of all body hair as well in order to conform to the superior and more natural American standard. Europeans should embrace American cuisine as its affordability, nutrients, and accessibility would surely stabilize the weight of the gaunt poor. The genetically modified food would modernize conservative Europeans who insist of consuming their practically primeval organic food.

My unassuming motion seeks to modernize the economy of European nations into that of the more productive and generally superior American job market. The adoption of genetically modified food would not only stabilize the weight of the impoverished, but also expand productivity. Genetically modified food is quicker to farm than that of the practically primal organic sustenance. Russian practices in the labor force would revolutionize the European economy. Surely their diminished worker’s rights would increase European productivity as perilously needed!

American and Russian society fosters the growth of individualism and creativity in public education so why not simply replace European education practices with that of the United States and Russia? This meek overture would revolutionize the antiquated educational institutions that prevail in the traditional areas of Europe. It ordains the advancement of youth in terms of artistic capability and individuality through the amount of standardization both Russia and the United States cherishes. 

It is possible superior propositions exist, however, none are as exceptional as my own. I proclaim with my utmost certainty and confidence that this meek proposal is the best course of action the Western world can currently take. I do not seek to simply achieve recognition globally, I sincerely aspire that my humble outline would resolve the issues detailed above and change the world forever.